D                            A                    D
my whiskey, my woman, my wife
G                   A                Bm
my rifle, my pony & my life
G            A               D               G
it aint a a lot, but that’s all i got
G                        A             Bm
and that’s all i need till i die
D                            A                   D
my whiskey, my woman, my wife

my whiskey helps me to dream
alone at night out on the prairie
and helps me believing Juanita’s a girl
my whiskey’s dragging me straight through this world
no matter how drunk or sorry i seem
my whiskey helps me to dream
my whiskey helps me to dream

my woman helps me believe
there’s sweeter things in life waiting for me
her soft satin skin and her bed made of brass
her hot strawberry lips and her peppermint ass
no matter how sad or sorry i seem
my woman helps me believe
my woman helps me believe

my wife was just a mistake
proof of the constant bad choices i make
she bitches and moans and bitches and moans
she bitches and bitches and bitches and moans
she’s just a curse that keeps me awake
my wife was just a mistake
my wife was just a mistake

Chorus

my rifle is why i aint dead
it backs up the stupid stuff i must have just said
and kills all the coyotes and injuns and food
their deaths are my proof my intentions are good
no matter how noble or maybe i’m not
my rifle can kill you a lot
my rifle can kill you a lot

my pony is my only friend
she’s the one who’ll stay till the end
she is my partner, the reason i’m free
she carries my whiskey and rifle and me
she’s the partner on whom i depend
my pony is my only friend
my pony is my only friend

my life aint worth a dime
it aint worth the time i spend making rhymes
it’s mostly a failing and longing for more
i’m just a cowboy and this life’s a whore
no matter how sober or lonely or worse
or how many times i have sex with my horse
my pony’s the only one i can confide
giddy-up, juanita, let’s ride
giddy-up, juanita, let’s ride