Track list
- Joe The Bear
- Lonesome Cowboy Blues
- Me & Your Mama
- Ohio River Crud
- Hopalong Cassidy’s a Pussy
- Pizza Pocket
- Women Cause War
- Tulsa
- Liars Go To Hell
- Cowboys Have It Hard
- Underdog
- I’m Too Sober For The World
- The Fighting Song
Joe The Bear
everybody has a dream to make it through the day
and just because mine’s different, baby i’m okay
what other men want the stuff that they desire
it’s just not the kind of thing i’m trying to acquire
i don’t want love and i don’t need money
i just need nuts and berries and a big jar of honey
cuz i’m a bear and that’s okay
i don’t need shelter to keep me from harm
i got all my fur keeping me warm
i don’t need a bank, i don’t need a store
i don’t understand how to open up doors
i don’t want liquor & i don’t need women
but i wouldn’t mind a big hunk of salmon
i’m a bear and i’m okay
everyday you gotta choose what you gonna be and today
i’m gonna be a bear, i’m gonna be a bear
i don’t see blue i don’t see red, all i need’s a place to eat my dead
don’t interrupt me when I’m eating or if i’m outside with my children
i may not have much to say
but i’ll rip you up if you get in my way
i’m a bear and that’s okay
everyday you gotta choose what you gonna be and today
i’m gonna be a bear, i’m gonna be a bear
Lonesome Cowboy Blues
She was just a face in the crowd before I called her name
Now none of her friends will ever look at her the same
Yeah she’s a natural beauty, she’s the one I choose
She’s the siren that’s inspririn’ my lonesome cowboy blues
She was just a girl at the bar, standing with some friends
And I knew that when my set was done, I wouldn’t see her again
So I did what you might expect had you been in my shoes
I sang that next song just for her, my lonesome cowboy blues
Whoopee ti-yi-yay get along little doggies
This land is your land and not my own
Whoopee ti-yi-yay get along little doggies
They say california will be your new home
I smiled and winked and nodded and Mickey comped her drink
She smiled at me deceptively her friends were turning pink
They had another round on us and firted through their ruse
She snuck out during my next song, the lonesome cowboy blues
Whoopee ti-yi-yay get along little doggies
This land is your land and not my own
Whoopee ti-yi-yay get along little doggies
They say california will be your new home
She was just a face in the crowd before I called her name
Now none of her friends will ever look at her the same
Yeah she’s a natural beauty, she’s the one I choose
She’s the siren that’s inspririn’ my lonesome cowboy blues
Me & Your Mama
me and your mama made dinner last night
first time in forever we didn’t fight
maybe everything’s gonna be alright
guess we’ll try again tomorrow
me and your mama made black eyed peas
scratch cornbread and rice and beans
just the way we’re supposed to be
guess we’ll try again tomorrow
been a long time since we got along
seems like everything i do is wrong
like she’s godzilla and i’m king kong
and you kids are tokyo
or she’s the pope and i’m a jew
we blame each other for the bad we do
as if our evil is something new
and not just how we roll
me and your mama made dinner last night
first time in forever we didn’t fight
maybe everything’s gonna be alright
guess we’ll try again tomorrow
me and your mama made sweet ice tea
fried catfish and mac and cheese
just the way we’re supposed to be
guess we’ll try again tomorrow
i don’t know how it all slipped away
must been something that we didn’t say
i’m hoping it might be better today
but i sure aint counting on it
cuz each new day’s like the last day prior
i beat my chest and she breathes fire
she gets mean and i get tired
but the bee won’t abandon the bonnet
me and you mama made dinner last night
first time in forever we didn’t fight
maybe everything’s gonna be alright
guess we’ll try again tomorrow
yeah me and your mama made sweet corn fries
mint juleps and pecan pie
ate so much i thought i’d die
gauss we’ll try again tomorrow
and i don’t know what to say to her when she’s burning down the city
sometimes i feel we’re the later years of loretta lynn and conway twitty
are we ever gonna feel that way again / or are we just making believe?
me and you mama made dinner last night
first time in forever we didn’t fight
maybe everything’s gonna be alright
guess we’ll try again tomorrow
yeah me and your mama made sweet corn fries
mint juleps and pecan pie
ate so much i thought i’d die
gauss we’ll try again tomorrow
i’m an old stray cat and she’s a mean french poodle
she’s an aria and i’m a yodel
the doodle of my noodle does nothing for her kugel
and pretty much versa visa
but maybe we can finally get things straight
get those cookies back on the plate
like back when we first started to date
way back when she was nicer
Ohio River Crud
annie can’t stop coughing and her nose has sprung a leak
she’s always been a sickly girl, but never quite so weak
ma took her to the doctor’s and they run lots of tests
but they don’t know what’s wrong with her
or they aint saying, yet
but we moved down to madison before she could walk
she played on that riverbank before she could talk
air she breathed most everyday come from that factory
that spits into that dirty river and poisons everything
and all the lungs in louisville are full of toxic mud
and everybody knows it’s the ohio river crud
politicians daisy chain, pulling on their puds
they aint doing nothing about that ohio river crud
annie can’t stop laughing when we blame it on the air
we give up on the doctors and she says she don’t care
and they say she aint dying, at least not today
but what’s life for a little girl who is too sick to play
she writes up in her diary upstairs in her room
always know this simple truth we are what we consume
the farms & factories up the line make paint pigs & steel
and all the waste gets pissed out into the public swill
and all the lungs in louisville are full of toxic mud
and everybody knows it’s the ohio river crud
politicians circle jerk, pulling on their puds
they aint doing nothing about that ohio river crud
and some want taxes to offset what they break
but you can’t unfuck the river
so what difference would it make?
health is like your sanity it aint gone until you lose it
but what good is obamacare if you can’t afford to use it
so don’t blame the immigrants it’s deep down in the mud
it’s those rotten fucking factories cause ohio river crud
don’t blame allergies, you know that’s not the answer
it aint the fucking butterflies that are giving people cancer
and you can call john kasich but he’ll tell you to piss off
he don’t give a fracking fuck about her little cough
of course he’s just a corporatist, so he’s just another cock
but baby they’re all corporatists,
so they’re all s bunch of kochs…
and all the lungs in louisville are full of toxic mud
and everybody knows it’s the ohio river crud
cookie eating kleptocrats with fingers up our butts
they aint doing nothing about that ohio river crud
Hopalong Cassidy’s A Pussy
gene and roy would sing a song and save the farmer’s daughter
shoot and hunt and rope and ride and lead the whores to water
champion could tie a knot and gail, she was a honey
and in between the campfire songs, gabby kept things funny
in the good old days when a man could ride a horse
and the women knew to pose and cook the dinner
when everybody knew that justice would prevail
and the guy in the white hat would be the winner
me and del would spend the day in the front row at the movies
dreaming bout those 45s and annie oakley’s boobies
bouncing cross the open plain breaking through the thistle
we’d eat our five cent junior mints a polishing our pistols
in the good old days when folks knew right from wrong
and they always knew why they were fighting
we could cheer the while way through as long as guns were blazing
cuz we just want to watch the women riding
durango kid’s my favorite gun
gail evens is my a plus hussy
and gene and roy were campfire gods
but hopalong cassidy’s a pussy
hopalong cassidy’s a pussy
see hoppy couldn’t even ride, they tied him on with string
and he was short and couldn’t shoot, he couldn’t even sing
and it’s okay to save the day without an old guitar
but every time we saw him ride we wished he had a car
in the good old days when cowboys ruled the west
and banks and politicians helped the people
lash’s whip and bat’s black cane helped to keep the peace
and people knew the truth about good and evil
i used to think an indian was something just for killing
now i know they made them bad because they needed villains
and cisco kid and blazing saddles helped me see the truth
heroes are whoever fights with nothing left to lose
in the good old days when folks were black and white
and reds and mixes smiled an played the patsies
nobody even knew that mussolini worked for england
or that ford and hearst were helping out the nazis
durango kid’s my favorite gun
gail evens is my a plus hussy
and gene and roy were campfire gods
but hopalong cassidy’s a pussy
hopalong cassidy’s a pussy
Pizza Pocket
she and i, we just don’t get along
and it hurts cuz our love used to be so strong
but even though the love’s all gone away
i just can’t get myself to knock it
every time i go down to the pub
all i can think of is how to win her love
but by the time i’m stumblin’ home again
all i want is a pizza pocket
one more drink is all i’m gonna have
and then somehow i’ll win back her love
one more drink, and then one more again
and maybe then i’ll have a pizza pocket
she said i was just like other men
all the ones who’d used her, again and again and again
and even though i’m softer than the rest
she only meant she wasn’t trying to mock it
seven sad years i followed her around
until the august night she let her defenses down
now she’s disarmed and i’m a loaded gun,
someday soon she’ll get a chance to cock it
one more drink is all i’m gonna have
and then somehow i’ve got to win her love
one more drink, and then one more again
and maybe then i’ll have a pizza pocket
oh and i remember the good times and the bad
the hurt when she was angry and the joy when she was glad
and the song that she kept singing was ringing in my head
oh it aint so hard to keep a man, just keep him fucked & fed
one more drink is all i’m gonna have
and there’s no way to win back her love
one more drink, and then one more again
and then i’m going to have a pizza pocket
Women Cause War
Like a ship at sea
In a raging storm
No moon
Howling winds
Black clouds like dirty cotton
nothing but my faith to guide me home
But no matter what they do to us, we keep coming back for more
What’s it all for? Woman cause war
Like a smile in church
At the pastor’s wife
No shame
Sympathy
my hand beneath her thigh
Nothing but my faith to guide me home
And everything we do for them and they still want some more
What’s it all for? Women cause war
Like the gift of life
At a child’s birth
No hope
Broken dreams
Neighbor girl like dirty cotton
Nothing but faith to carry him home
And everything he does for us, for richer or for poor
What’s it all for? Woman cause war
Tulsa
When you got fat girls in short skirts and Garth Brooks on the jukebox
And everywhere you drive it’s all that christian radio,
it might be hell it might be Tulsa
Cuz the fat girls, they come out at night,
all trashed out and sad and lonesome
And drink six beers that go straight to their thighs,
and wonder why nobody wants them
life’s a movie and I’m the star, but I’m singing in a fat girl bar
the floorboards bow while they do see do
all the girls round here are thick, but at least it seems I have my pick
what I’ll do I really still don’t know
Times are slow and days are long, and the nights are even longer
The watchers stand and nurse their beers and wish that they were younger
And thank god for garth brooks and his sad and sentimental
songs that make a girl think she might be something more than incidental
life’s a movie you’re the star and it don’t matter where you are
you might as well make a better scene
so put a nickel in the box to pass the nigttime watching clocks
and swaying to the stretching of their jeans
In Tulsa
In Tulsa
tonight I sing my cowboy songs
and search among the sagging faces
looking down below their belt for friends in lower places
and oklahoma aint all bad, at least they got a sense of humor
everyone wants to make it out tonight, some want it even sooner
life’s a movie and I’m the star but I’m singing in a fat girl bar
when the chorus hits I hope you’ll sing along
it may be a little cold but part of life I being bold
, and I don’t think that you should wear a thong
In Tulsa
In Tulsa
Liars Go To Hell
lovers keep on loving, & don’t care how they fell
cheaters get what’s coming, and liars go to hell
bill works at the factory, heather works at the bank
weekends they go riding bill’s panhead 58
take it hard through the country, horses flying by
sleep there in the meadow, embrace their little lie
lovers keep on loving, & don’t care how they fell
cheaters get what’s coming, and liars go to hell
he slinks home to his family, she heads back to hers
everybody keeps on acting like it ain’t getting worse
but she aint fooling no one, &, hell, he don’t even try
they just take off every weekend on another ride
lovers keep on loving, & don’t care how they fell
cheaters mostly get what’s coming, and liars go to hell
nobody looks to leaving midst the things that they don’t say
cuz if they can’t be happy least they can make them pay
Cowboys Have It Hard
cowboys have it hard, here in the future
there aint no more buffalo & they call this shit country music
yeah, cowboys have it hard, here in the future
no matter how she runs around you aint allowed to shoot her
these laws are meant for pussies and queers
there’s a 42 cent tax on that wheat & cherry beer
if you don’t got a sticker, then you can’t park here
these laws are meant for pussies and queers
it all went to shit when the truck replaced the horse
then congress got itself involved & fucked it up, of course
they subsidized the rich and called it all relief
and all the private ranches were bought out by bigbeef
now, punching jobs at j b s are mostly bout abuse
and branding’s been replaced with inner lip tattoos
just shoot em up with B G H, zilmax, and B S T
there aint no wrangling needed when you never set them free
cowboys have it hard, here in the future
machines have taken all the jobs
and they’re dressed just like hipster douchebags
cowboys have it hard, here in the future
can’t compete with Mexicans who’ll work for next to nothing
they used to graze the summer grass until the cows were fat
now they juice them in their pens and feed them chicken shit
it just don’t seem right but the profit line don’t care
i should kill that fucking foreman but there’s cameras everywhere
these laws are meant for pussies and queers
smoke a plant to treat your cancer it’ll get you 20 years
yeah justice fell right off the horse
& aint been seen in years
these laws are meant for pussies and queers
cowboys have it hard, here in the future
smoking’s outlawed everywhere, gotta find your hookers on computers
yeah, cowboys have it hard, here in the future
even if she has a dick, you aint allowed to shoot her
these laws are meant for pussies and queers
they’re mostly based on bullshit, lies, control and fear
there’s a 42 cent tax on that wheat and cherry beer
if you don’t got a sticker, then you can’t park here
line up for your right to drive, every fucking year
growing plants to treat your cancer can get you 20 years
yeah justice fell right off her horse
she aint been seen in years
these laws are meant for pussies and queers
Underdog
If I was your Underdog and you were my Sweet Polly
I wouldn’t mind it if you called me shoeshine boy
But the way you treat me really ain’t too funny
Can’t you see I’m not a shoeshine boy?
I follow you around girl, you never see it
I think I’m invisible and you think I’m a tool
But if I had some spinach or maybe some tequila
I could rid myself of these jimmy olson’ blues
If I were your cartoon superhero
I could save you baby from the jaws of doom
But I’m not a cartoon superhero
So I’ll just play myself all alone in my room
I know your name girl, I know your number
But every time I call up I can hardly breathe
And when I mumble something about my sweet sweet Polly
Sometimes you hang up and other times you scream
And I know it’s a little odd and I can’t blame your reaction
When you see me everywhere in the corner of your eyes
But it’s so hard to face your creation
With your perfect pouting lips and the hate in your eyes
If I were your cartoon superhero
Oh baby then I know you’d see
I’d sound like James Earl Jones and I’d look just like Joan Miro,
and I could save you baby, from the likes of me
If I were your cartoon superhero Then I think you might understand I’m really not a freak, I’m really not a zero, I just want to be your man
Yeah, I’m a shoeshine boy
Yeah, I’m a shoeshine boy
Yeah, I’m a shoeshine boy
Sweet Polly Simon Bar Sinister shoeshine boy
I’m Too Sober For The World
She told me she’d been with my dad, she acted like it was nothing special
It wasn’t like the first she’d had, she said that I was just sentimental
And I’ve been drinking all night long / But I just can’t forget that girl
And the way she sang that song
/ I’m too sober for the world
She says he’s big and stronger, too, She told me he was really better
And now she’s so in love, And he’s happy to have met her
And I’ve been drinking all night long / But I just can’t forget that girl
And the way she sang that song / I’m too sober for the world
The tv says we went to war, Because they might someday have weapons
And even though they’re not bad now, They could be when they get them
And I’ve been drinking all night long, Just to block out what I heard
But the bad things just go on,I’m too sober for the world
The doctor says I have to stop, or else my heart will just stop ticking
I refilled my dixie cup, and said at least this way I’m picking
I’m not going to lie, I mostly blame that girl
And either way I’m going to die, I’m too sober for the world
The Fighting Song
When I was just a laddie, my father told me son
Sometimes you’ve got to stand and fight,
but most of the time you should run
Cuz there’s already somebody bigger, quicker and meaner to boot
There’s always someone with more to gain and even less they can lose
Fightin’ never accomplishes anything,
it’s mostly just a way of making money for the king
and fightin’ never helped anyone, fightin’ is really dumb
Let me tell you laddies, the way that I’m getting by
I keep my tail between my legs and to keep myself calm I stay high
When lassies defend their cherries as if they were diamonds or gold
It’s not as if they want to fight, they’re just doing what they were told
I guess that’s why men get married, cuz we’re just sick & tired of the fight
And there’s always a chance when you give her the ring
she’ll do all the things that she might
Fightin’ never accomplishes anything,
it’s mostly just a way of making money for the ring
and fightin’ never helped anyone, fightin’ is really dumb
Let me tell you lassie, what I’d willing tell anyone
Even though the sex is for me, we’re both better off when you cum
When you’re workin’ to make a dollar, to buy her the next shiny bit
Keep in mind sweet laddie, you’ll pay a lot more than you’ll get
And when you’re thinkin’ back on, all the folks and lives that you harmed
It’s easy to want to be sweden, socialist, neutral and armed
Fightin’ never accomplishes anything,
it’s mostly just a way of making money to buy her things
and fightin’ never helped anyone, fightin’ is really dumb
So let me tell you everybody, whenever you’re down on your luck
Go down to your nearest pub and cheer someone up with a fuck
snoopygreen 